Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Thou Shalt Not Engage in This Deranged Competition

Our good friends Jordan and Joel have some other good friends, Rob and Katie.

You have no idea what effect this simple fact has on me. Basically, when I think about Rob and Katie, I turn into the husband from Sleeping With the Enemy.

“What did you do this weekend?” I’ll quiz Jordan suspiciously, sure she’s cheated on us with her “other best friends.” Sometimes, I’ll even interrogate Mo, Jordan’s babysitter, to determine which couple they’ve seen more of lately. If it’s not us, I’ll sulk and devise a plan to rise again to the top their friend pyramid.

Yes, it’s twisted and sick; and frankly, I’m not proud of it.

To make things a little more complicated, Rob and I are co-Godparents of Jordan and Joel’s oldest daughter. We’re “God spouses,” as he likes to say, a phrase that always elicits giggles from the group.

And Jordan and Joel are Shef’s Godparents. When we asked them to oversee his spiritual development (translation: try to make sure he doesn’t grow up to be a gay-hating bible-thumper), I was sure this would put us over the top for good – Rob and Katie could never catch up.

And then, right when I was feeling most confident, the competition went in for the kill – eight months later, J&J became their son’s Godparents, too. Conniving bastards.

So when Jordan and Joel announced that Dan and Katie would be Godparents to their new baby, our complicated relationship with “the other best friends” was completely solidified. We were inextricably linked in a Holy Religious Sense, Bound Together Forever By God.

After a moment of silence, Rob asked, “Does this make us Spiritual Swingers?”

Yes, I thought despairingly. Yes, I’m afraid it does.

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