Sunday, September 30, 2007

Status Report

On progress of religious education:

Me: What did you learn today in Church School?
Shef [hands me a picture of Noah's Ark he's "colored"]: A ship.
Me: What kind of ship is it?
Shef: It's an animal ship, [duh].

On not getting ass-kicked by beginning of school year:

Me [upon entering school building]: Hi.
Rach: Hi, Kace. Wow. You look like a wreck.
Me: I'm even wearing my eye-brightener.
Rach: God. Sorry.

On maintaining a happy, peaceful marriage:

Dan: I can't believe you told your friend that "Remarkably, [I] am the least nerdy of all my high school friends."
Me: I didn't mean it like that.
Dan: What did you mean? That I am so nerdy it would be impossible to find a whole group of nerdier people?
Me: Well.
Me: Tell me this: What shoes are you planning on wearing to your reunion? Go put your shoes on, and then we'll talk about nerdy.
Dan [returning wearing woolen, open-backed clogs. Planning to wear these to swank bar for fancy school reunion]: What? [indignant] These are cool!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

You Can't You Won't And You Don't Stop

I've been ignoring this blog, since I've had nothing to write on it. I do feel bad about not writing. The guilt is overwhelming, actually.

I was going to post on Saturday while I was at work. Working. On my part-time job.

But then I didn't.

The problem with September blogging is that I usually forget about the intensity of the beginning of the year, and how it sucks me dry, no matter what level of FTE I'm embodying. I forget about it until I'm smack dab in the middle of it, barely keeping my head above water and straining to stay awake past nine every night. This year, I'm only supposed to be just a little more than half-time, but so far I'm working kind of a lot. So far, I'm definitely in that "dear Lord, deliver me from this madness" kind of place.

One example of me working a lot so far was open house, which was from 6:45-9:00 on a Monday night. I'm usually quite good at doing open house, and the parents generally like me. I do it well so that later in the year when their kids come home saying, "God, Ms. W. is such a bitch," their parents will think this is a total lie.

Anyway, at this year's open house, I got kind of flustered in my first talk. I think it was because the parents mostly didn't laugh at my of opening jokes. Also there were some people there whom I knew to be somewhat disapproving of the literature selections I've made for their children. And, lots of people seemed to be scowling at me. Only one that I saw was nodding and smiling.

Still, I persevered. I made it through the talk with just moderate voice-wavering and, of course, the requisite sweat attack. Luckily, I was wearing a jacket, so as to avoid any potential sweat rings and classroom b.o. contamination.

In the break between the first and second talks, I went out to the hall to commiserate with my pals.

"It was kind of rough," I said.

"Yeah Kace," Rachel replied,"you have HIVES."

And sure enough. I did.

That's the whole story. Fini.

Can't you see why I haven't been posting here?

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Like Two Dolphins In The Ocean of Our Hearts

We’re well into the fall swing now. After two weeks as high-schoolers, the sophs are coming around to the W-Way of operating. By all reports, Shef has become a leader in his class, rather than a follower, now that the boys he idolizes have graduated to the next room. And, of course, the new season of swimming lessons has commenced. This marks the first time one of the parents doesn’t have to actually get in the water with the cherub, and I’ve got to say, we’re all quite glad.

The photo credit here goes to Rachel, who, because she is such an excellent friend and sensitive to my needs as an extreme extrovert, consented to accompany me poolside and then documented the session via her Blackberry.

Now, if Dan would just quit working out-of-town so much, things would be perfect. I would feel worse for him regarding his travel schedule if he wasn’t in San Francisco, where he enjoys Room Service, happy hours, and first-class dinners, while I wile away at home, trying to sleep while Shef glues himself to my chest.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

We Are Called To Act With Justice

Today, we made Shef start Church School. He wasn’t that psyched, but it was time: he simply had to go.

For someone who had a very thoughtful and thorough religious upbringing, I’ve done a pretty shitty job of educating my child in the Christian faith. I think I mentioned Jesus once at Christmas last year, and then again at Easter, just before the traditional egg roll.

“Jesus is a baby,” Shef said then, confused.

“Oh, right,” I said lamely. “Well, he was one at Christmas, but now he’s died and, uh. Well. He’s risen from the dead.”

Blank stare.

"Here, have a jelly bean."

So, this morning, as we were playing with the knights, wiling away the time before our return to worship, I started in again: “So, Shef, what do you know about God?”

“Nothing,” he answered, snapping a mace into his jouster’s hand without looking up. “What is it?”

I'm afraid that Church School has a lot of heathen to knock out of him. Godspeed to them in their efforts.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Hearts On Fire, Strong Desire, Rages Deep Within

The new year is going pretty much okay, I think. I have been exceedingly cheerful, welcoming, and enthusiastic, if I do say so myself. I have gone the extra mile both in kindness AND in eye make-up.

“Do you notice anything different about me?” I blurted at Rachel the first morning, gesturing frantically at my face.

“Yes!” she cried supportively. While I waited for the impending compliment on my new cosmetics, I noticed a look of slight panic begin to creep across her face. “Haircut?” she offered. “Contacts? New outfit? EARRINGS!”

“NO!” I couldn’t contain myself. “It’s eye brightener!!

Besides that, which was less embarrassing than last year's Tourette's attack regarding pointy shoes, beacause at least Rachel now knows me, the only little hiccup has been this afternoon when I found myself babbling on and on incoherently about this speech the sophs are supposed to give tomorrow, while madly scribbling pieces of thinking maps on the board.

“I still don’t get what we’re doing,” a brave, but sullen little guy piped up.

“Well, the directions for this step are right here,” I offered, pointing at a section of the assignment sheet.

“Yeah,” he slumped, “I read that like, twenty times, and I still have no idea what to do.”

“Hmmm,” I answered, at a loss for any ideas about how to explain differently or better. “Well!” Pause. “Let’s just move on to the brace map!!”

I’ll be shocked if anyone has any clue what they’re doing tomorrow. Shocked, but enthusiastic and with bright eyes.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Awesome Casual Dining

So, summer didn't suck, but still, it's over.

I welcome the sophs back to school tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.