Dan and I are simply desperate to remodel the bathroom. What with the shit-brown tile, the unfinished plywood walls, the washed-out blue wainscoting, and the maroon linoleum – not to mention the obsessive bat-checking accompanied by intense claustrophobia incited by closing the door – we just can’t deal with it for much longer.

Thank goodness genius architect Jackie arrived this evening with alternative plans. She can’t guarantee a guano-free environment, but she did suggest a clawfoot tub.

And bless her for not flat-out accusing me of insanity for thinking the work could begin before September.