Tuesday, August 8, 2006

A Full-Tilt-Boogie-Quilted Extravaganza of Puff

My sister called me from a car the other day begging me to Tivo something called “Flavor of Love” for her, which was scheduled to air on VH1 and stars Flavor Flav, former member of Public Enemy and all-around weirdo. Mary claimed that she doesn't ordinarily watch the show, but she'd read that something over-the-top and never-seen-before was going to happen during elimination.

I was a little nervous when I saw that the title of the episode was “Somethin’s Stinkin’ in the House of Flav,” but whatever. Not only has sister racked up innumerable favors, as she is our #1 babysitter; but I figured that with my considerable experience with reality tv -- Making the Band, The Bachelorette, Joe Millionaire, Elimidate, and most recently and embarrassingly, The Girls Next Door – I’ve alredy seen the worst television has to offer.

Wrong. So very, very wrong.

On Flavor of Love, ho’s and bitches from around the country who claim to be devoted to Flav gather at his mansion, dress in skanky outfits, and try to prove that they are “really there for” the deranged has-been rapper.

And oh my god, it is so much worse than it sounds.

On last night’s episode, one contestant was so focused on Flav that she neglected her personal needs and unfortunately took a shit on the floor. I mean, as my sister pointed out, presumably she took a shit in her thong, and then it leaked out.

I really feel dirty just thinking about it.

“I’m gonna be honest,” the woman explained to Flav when he forced her to peek out from behind the bathroom door, “I just couldn’t hold it anymore. It could have happened to anyone.”


jdoc said...

Please tell me she did NOT make the cut. Actually. Don't. It really doesn't matter if I never hear another word about this show ever again. I'm blocking it out.

Jana said...

That quote made me laugh so hard!!! I can't remember who said it, but I love that show so much! I also loved the comparison of Angela's frock to a big bag of skittles. Mmmmm, skittles... I also watch The Girls Next Door like a train wreck. How much whiter can they get their hair before it falls out?? Speaking of hair, your boy is so cute and his hair is so honey colored! Didn't he used to be a blonde. Tyson's hair is really bleaching out in the sun.

annekris said...

I didn't think it was possible to get any stupider than LAST season's Flavor of Love, but it sounds like they might have succeeded. Unlike ANY of Flav's groupies, it least the Girls Next Door seem kinda nice!

Undomestic said...

Oh, but did you know this is the SECOND season. Apparently it didn't work out between he and Hoops, the winner last year. So he wanted to do it all again. I've vowed not to watch it this time around, but your post has me so intrigued yet again.

KC said...

jdoc -- YES, she made the cut. I KNOW. so gross.

Jana -- I am so digging project runway. I love it!! did you see last night? Angela has really come around. I guess shef did used to be more blonde -- his hair is a mixed bag, and it looks different in different light. I can't believe how big they're getting!

anne - i know, Holly seems like a real peach on Girls Next Door.

cari - my sister told me there had been a season 1. amazing. he's really a freak. it's hard not to watch if only to stare at the screen in horrified stupification.