So, Pronto bites. That's the biggest problem. Basically, we've managed to get a dog that doesn't like to cuddle, can't be left alone in a room, goes ballistic at the sight of other dogs, and terrorizes the children. He doesn't draw blood, but... BUT, they're super afraid of him because he nips all the time. Sometimes he tears their clothes and makes bruises.

On Friday night, my brother Kevin babysat. When we got home, he was restraining Pronto. "This dog is THE WORST," he proclaimed.

On Saturday, our friend Tom commiserated with us when the topic of Pronto came up. We had hidden the dog in the attic, so he wouldn't eat Tom's kids. "I've just never met a dog that you can't pet," he said.

It's true that this is not a pet I imagined having. I got the dog to be a companion to the CHILDREN! I got the dog to sit in my lap while I watched tv. I did not get a dog because I wanted a spaz running loose on the property who would break large wooden structures.

A neighbor told me today that Pronto had managed to hurtle his head through the fence while they walked by with their nice, squishy lap dog.

"Yeah," I said. "Dan went out and nailed it back together."

"Oh good," the neighbor said. "That dog is a fierce protector."

So, Dan's calling the rescue tomorrow to tell them Pronto needs a family that doesn't have kids. I think it's the right call. Shef and Mac agree, which is really saying something. Deep down, we all really like Pronto and wanted him to work out.

"I want a dog to sleep in my room," Mac said. That would be nice. When I tried to have Pronto sleep in my room, I woke up to find him eating my bras.

I feel like a failure, and frankly, I'm not sure what to say to potential adopters. Pronto doesn't have many good traits. It's true that he is extremely handsome and a good exercise partner. As long as you exercise in a place where you're not likely to see many other dogs.