Thursday, May 31, 2007

If You've Never Been a High School Teacher, You Will Definitely Be Shocked By This Story

Billy is a barely-functional, overly-hormonal soph who manages to do a little work in English maybe once every ten days. Last week, instead of working, he left my room to go to the bathroom. After a half-an-hour, he burst back into the classroom shouting about the size what he produced there. It was really gross.

I try to control him, but I am mostly powerless against this kind of infantile behavior, especially on May 31st, when the count stands at seven days.

So, during class today, Billy shouted out, “Hey, Ms. W! I fathered a child last night.”

“Billy,” I said, not looking up from the papers I was grading, “that’s impossible. No girls would ever go out with you when you act the way you do.”

The class, most of them working pretty hard on their graphic stories due tomorrow, erupted. “Oh, SMACK!” they said.

“Look, Billy,” I said, a little sheepish at having attracted so much attention on his behalf, “I’d be happy to give you tips on how to impress more women.” I kept my eyes on my grade book. “Your first step would be to engage in less public farting.”


trulybrilliant109 said...

One of my favorite lines is from the boys:

Idiot: Mr. H, I need to go to the bathroom.
ME: "Why, you need to take a bath?"
Idiot: "Whaddya mean?"
ME: "Is there a bath in that room you're visiting?"
Idiot: "No, I just gotta take a squirt."

Classy. Always classy.

Of course, it's always better than the old walk up in the middle of a lecture, hand me a pass and look at me like I'm an idiot when I say what do you need. The answer from the kid: come on, sign this. Nice way of asking.

Undomestic said...

Great responses! I bet they were rollin!