Because the belly has been getting so round and so out there, people have started patting it without permission and asking if I’m “so, so excited” and “getting ready.”

Well, sure, I say. But my due date is still ten weeks away, and that’s a really long time from now. A really long time to waddle through the high school hallways, where I spend my days with sixteen-year-olds whose responses to my lessons in the last few days have included, “Why do we always have to do this stupid stuff?” and “But that’s not what I read in Spark Notes.”

This morning a colleague from the Spanish department suggested I try running stairs before my next appointment in an attempt to spike my blood pressure and procure a doctor-mandated month on the couch. As the days tick down to spring break, I think the pubescents alone will be enough to cause danger to my health.