On progress of religious education:

Me: What did you learn today in Church School?
Shef [hands me a picture of Noah's Ark he's "colored"]: A ship.
Me: What kind of ship is it?
Shef: It's an animal ship, [duh].


On not getting ass-kicked by beginning of school year:

Me [upon entering school building]: Hi.
Rach: Hi, Kace. Wow. You look like a wreck.
Me: I'm even wearing my eye-brightener.
Rach: God. Sorry.


On maintaining a happy, peaceful marriage:

Dan: I can't believe you told your friend that "Remarkably, [I] am the least nerdy of all my high school friends."
Me: I didn't mean it like that.
Dan: What did you mean? That I am so nerdy it would be impossible to find a whole group of nerdier people?
Me: Well.
Dan: REMARKABLY?
Me: Tell me this: What shoes are you planning on wearing to your reunion? Go put your shoes on, and then we'll talk about nerdy.
Dan [returning wearing woolen, open-backed clogs. Planning to wear these to swank bar for fancy school reunion]: What? [indignant] These are cool!

The new year is going pretty much okay, I think. I have been exceedingly cheerful, welcoming, and enthusiastic, if I do say so myself. I have gone the extra mile both in kindness AND in eye make-up.

“Do you notice anything different about me?” I blurted at Rachel the first morning, gesturing frantically at my face.

“Yes!” she cried supportively. While I waited for the impending compliment on my new cosmetics, I noticed a look of slight panic begin to creep across her face. “Haircut?” she offered. “Contacts? New outfit? EARRINGS!”

“NO!” I couldn’t contain myself. “It’s eye brightener!!”

Besides that, which was less embarrassing than last year's Tourette's attack regarding pointy shoes, beacause at least Rachel now knows me, the only little hiccup has been this afternoon when I found myself babbling on and on incoherently about this speech the sophs are supposed to give tomorrow, while madly scribbling pieces of thinking maps on the board.

“I still don’t get what we’re doing,” a brave, but sullen little guy piped up.

“Well, the directions for this step are right here,” I offered, pointing at a section of the assignment sheet.

“Yeah,” he slumped, “I read that like, twenty times, and I still have no idea what to do.”

“Hmmm,” I answered, at a loss for any ideas about how to explain differently or better. “Well!” Pause. “Let’s just move on to the brace map!!”

I’ll be shocked if anyone has any clue what they’re doing tomorrow. Shocked, but enthusiastic and with bright eyes.