Each Monday we gather - all 350 of us - in the auditorium for a community assembly.  It's impeccably organized and student-run, and it includes all of the announcements required for a full and happy Middle School life.

Yesterday, however, it went off script.  First, a serious and stern science teacher stood and admonished the boys for not flushing their poops down the toilet.  His announcement incorporated the well-known adage, "If it's brown, flush it down."  I blinked and raised my eyebrows. "It also makes me think you're not washing your hands," he scolded.

Gross.

Just when I thought the misery had ended, the librarian stood and made the same announcement, but directed at the girls.  "Some of our toilets are low flow," she explained, "so you need two flushes.  Make sure the toilet is clean before you leave the stall."

For real?

After the second defecation-related reminder, the Assistant Director continued his planned remarks, accompanied by slides.  Unfortunately, he had arrived at the Inspirational Quote segment of his presentation, and regretfully, yesterday's inspirational quote was, "Make today your masterpiece."

Nobody could handle it, including me.  "And if you do make a masterpiece," the AD deadpanned, "make sure you flush it down."

This, my friends, is just another moment at my job.  My professional place of employment.  The work to which I have dedicated my career and for which I have incurred graduate school debt.  Changing lives and influencing the youth of America.  For real.