Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Truth of My Inferiority

Last night we hit the town with our A-list friends, Mike and Renee. Renee is my teaching pal who once told every single one of my 150 eighth-grade students that I sometimes pee in my pants if I laugh too hard, which you can imagine made for another really great day in the middle school.

Anyway, she and Mike are uber-hip in that they go out on the weekends, come home after 9:30, and wear shiny, high-heeled ankle boots.

The whole night, Dan and I sensed they had us out-classed and tried our darndest to keep up. We offered amusing jokes, discussed European travel and style, and kept baby shit almost entirely out of the conversation. After dinner, at the time we normally park on the couch and drool on ourselves until we fall asleep, we agreed to check out the half-price sake happy hour at a chic Asian restaurant down the street.

“It starts at 10,” Mike said, glancing at his watch.

PM?!” Dan gasped, before he remembered that we were supposed to be playing it cool.

When we got there, Mike greased the maitre d’ and shook hands with six or seven members of the Twin Cities social elite. I tried to blend in, but it was tough while wearing my clogs, the belt I bought in 1991, and a black t-shirt with only one, tiny bleach stain on the back.

On the way back to the car, we passed a very sophisticated-looking club with no street entrance.

“What’s that?” Dan asked.

“Oooh, that’s the Caterpillar Lounge,” Renee explained. “That’s where all the really cool people go.

It was intimidating just looking at it, I tell you.

“We were there last weekend with some friends,” Renee continued.

There was a pause wherein we raised our eyebrows and she realized her gaffe.

Every time I call her for the next year, I plan to say, “If none of your cool friends are free on Saturday, would you consent to pencil this B-list hanger-on in?” And this will be completely justified.


jm said...

This is excellent. D. Sedaris couldn't have written it better!

teacher06 said...

just for the world to know, i ain't that cool and last time i checked mike is not either. kc and dan are much cooler!

KC said...

jm, sedaris is my fave.

woah-nee -- you are SO cool. for sure.

LH said...

the shiny high heeled ankle boots got my attention. i think you're right about that particular footwear defining coolness.

jdoc said...

I think that place must be where all the ladies from The Bachelor would hang out. They are my worst nightmare.

LH said...

they're not a good group, you're right jdoc. but we must watch them anyway.

KC said...

I totally can't keep up with the footwear choices of my friends. The other day, one of the TOSAs told me that she thinks "how well you take care of your shoes says a lot about a person." I'm pretty sure this was a slam.

I'm not doing the Bachelor this year, but in the past, I have imagined being with that group and feeling like I was going to die.

Undomestic said...

I totally get this. Everytime my husband mentions going to a club, I totally cringe, and somehow steer the conversation to going out to eat, or going to a movie. I don't have a clubbing body, I don't have clubbing clothes and I don't have a clubbing attitude. I'm not 22 anymore, and I wish my husband would just get that!!!